Cut
by libraryghosts
Summary: Mrs Lovett struggles to cope with her unrequited love of Mr Todd in unimaginable ways. This story is continuing on Todd666's account!
1. Chapter 1

**This story is partially inspired/based on my own experiences with self-injury. Please enjoy.**

**Edit: _Chapter 8 and on of this story is now being continued by Todd666 on on her account:  
_.net/s/4784550/1/**

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Bam.

Nellie Lovett sighed as she slammed the door to Sweeney's barber shop behind her. He had once again ignored her desperate attempt to show him that she loved him. Was he so dead inside he couldn't even pretend to notice that she existed?

She started down the stairs as she felt her bones ache from the day's work. Time for a good night's sleep, she thought to herself. She hated sleeping alone. Since Albert died she had been alone every single bloody night. She, of course, had fantasies about Mr Todd coming to her bed at night. She had dreams too, almost every night.

But those were only fantasies. And some part of her, however small, knew that they could never be together. She wasn't willing to fully admit to herself that her hopes were absolutely ridiculous because if she did, she wouldn't have a reason to live anymore. Mr Todd had become her obsession.


	2. Chapter 2

The sun streamed through the window of Nellie's bedroom and woke her up suddenly. What a pleasant surprise, she thought. It seemed as though the sun almost never came out anymore.

She rose to look at the time and realized it was time to get ready for another busy day in the meat pie shop. She threw on her dress and shoes, and went to the bathroom to wash her face.

When she was finished she went to the kitchen to find Toby setting out plates for the day.

"Good morning, mum.", he said cheerfully.

"Oh, 'ello, Toby. 'ow's your morning been?" she said in a hoarse, sleepy voice.

"Fine, thanks, mum."

They prepared for the day in silence as Mrs Lovett was deep in thought. I'm just gonna tell him how I feel, she said to her self, and if he dosn't feel the same way at least I'll know it. I can't stand this not knowing, this silence.

She made Mr Todd's breakfast and martched up the steep, narrow stairs to the barber shop. She walked in to find Sweeney sitting in his chair, motionless.

"Mr T? Love, I brought your breakfast." Mrs Lovett said softly.

"Put it on the table. Get out."

"Love, I need to say something to ya."

Silence.

"I need to tell you how I feel about you. I--"

"I said get out!"

"Mr Todd! I need to say something to ya!! Just listen! That's all I'm asking for!"

"You bitch! Get out of my barber shop before I kill you!" and as he said this he flipped open one of his razors and pointed it in Nellie's direction.

Mrs Lovett ran out the door and down the stairs faster than she ever thought she might be able to. She didn't bother to lift the bottom of her skirt like she usually did, and it caught on a loose nail. It sent her flying head over heals to the bottom of the stairs with a great thud. She screamed in pain as she saw the blood running from her knees and felt her head throb in terrible pain.

She was sure that Mr T had heard her and would come running from his shop to see what had happened. But he didn't. She just laid there moaning in excruciation for what seemed like a lifetime.


	3. Chapter 3

Mrs Lovett finally gathered up enough strength to pick herself up off the cold, hard ground. She stumbled into the pie shop and plopped down in a wooden chair. She soon found herself weeping softly, not so much at the fact that she had fallen, but at the fact that Mr Todd hadn't come down from his shop to comfort her. She knew he must have heard her.

She hobbled into the bathroom to clean the blood off her knees and cover them with bandages. Where in bloody hell is Toby when I need him?, she thought. Just then Toby barged through the door.

"Oh, mum, terribly sorry--Oh, god! What on earth happened?"

"It's okay, dear. I just fell down the stairs, that's all. Don't go worrying.", Mrs Lovett said with a convincing smile, "but It'd be nice if you could help me to a chair, me bones are aching."

"Of course mum." Toby said and took her waist to guide her to the living room. He sat her in her favorite chair and offered to get her some gin.

"No, no dear." she said and they both giggled. "That'll be all. Just go tend to the customers. I'll be out to help in a few minutes. I just need a little bit 'o rest, is all."

"Okay, you stay as song as ya need."

After Mrs Lovett had rested for a bit she got up and went outside to help Toby with the customers. It was a slow day so they didn't have to do much work. She decided to close the shop early so she could rest some more, and have some time to think.

She sent Toby to the market to buy some supplies for tomorrow's pies--and so she could finally have some well deserved time alone. She laid motionless in her comfortable chair as she thought about Mr Todd. She was so confused, one minute he was spinning her around singing about how he couldn't live without her and the next moment he was calling her a bitch and threatening to kill her!

She looked at the time. It was time to make Mr Todd's dinner.

She didn't want to bother. Half of her didn't want to cook for him, or think about him, or look at him ever again. But the other half, the dominate half, knew she needed him so bad it was almost unbearable.

She made him a simple supper, and once again marched up the steep staircase leading to the barber shop.


	4. Chapter 4

Later that night, Mrs Lovett tucked Toby into bed and went to wash the the dishes used that day. She scrubbed them forcefully, as to get her anger out.

She didn't know what she should do next. Should she continue to ignore Mr Todd? Should she try to show him how she feels again?

She knew it was likely that neither one of those options would make her happy. When she ignored him she felt even more alone, and when she tried to tell him what she felt for him he didn't listen.

Mrs Lovett was finished with all the dishes and she decided it was time to go to bed. She was in the bathroom scrubbing her face when she remembered that Mr Todd's dinner dishes were still in the barber shop. She groaned as she put her shoes back on and walked out into the cold London night.

She hiked the stairs and opened the heavy door to Mr Todd's barber shop. As expected, he was asleep in his cot, breathing softly.

In that moment Mrs Lovett had never felt so much anger and hate towards Mr Todd in all the years she had known him. Not when he threatened to kill her, not when he called her a bitch, not when he ignored her, but now, when he was peacefully asleep in his bed.

She walked over to the table to collect the dinner dishes. She had picked them up off the table and started to walk towards the door when she noticed Mr Todd's razors. She had always wanted to touch them, they were so beautiful. She took one out of the case and caressed it with her pale hands. For some reason she found great comfort in holding it. And all of a sudden, she felt the strange, powerful desire to cut herself. On the impulse she flipped the razor open and dug it softly into the inside of her wrist.

She felt the pain and saw the blood poor out, surprised by her own strength. Although, it gave her a sudden feeling of relief, relief from the guilt, relief from the anger and the pain, relief from the stress of her life.

She immediately cleaned the razor and replaced it in it's case.

She then promised herself that she would never do this again--it was a terrible thing that only crazy people did, and she didn't want to end up in Bedlam. I just wanted to see what it was like to be cut, she assured herself, there's nothing the matter with me.

And on that note she walked down the stairs and back into her pie shop where she cleaned her self-inflicted wound and went off to bed.


	5. Chapter 5

Mrs Lovett groaned lightly as she slowly emerged into consciousness Sunday morning. She smiled to herself as she remembered that she didn't have to open the shop today. She could stay in bed all morning if she wanted to.

Then she remembered last night. She quickly moved her left hand to touch her right wrist. The cut was there; it hadn't been a dream. What the hell was wrong the matter with me last night?, she asked herself.

She rose from her bed and went to the bathroom to examine her wound more closely. She was relieved to see that it didn't look too serious, and it wasn't horribly obvious.

She thought that, since she was already up, she might as well make Mr Todd's breakfast. She cooked him something simple, put it on a tray and began to walk up to his barbershop. He was sharpening his razors when she came up, and she was yet again reminded of what she did to herself last night.

"Hello, Mr T. Breakfast's here."

"Thank you, Mrs Lovett."

"You're welcome, Love."

Mrs Lovett was greatly relieved that he hadn't yelled at her again. She walked back down the stairs and into her pie shop where she sat down by the fire that Toby had built and sipped her gin.


	6. Chapter 6

Later that night Mrs Lovett was still lounging comfortably in her chair when she heard the pie shop door open forcefully. It couldn't be Toby, he was already asleep.

She rose to her feet to go and check who it was that had come in.

"Hello?"

"It's me, Mrs Lovett." Mr Todd said in a monotone voice.

"Oh, Mr T, ya scared me. What are you doing down 'ere?"

"I came for a drink, it's that's alright."

"'Course it is, Love."

Mrs Lovett was incredibly surprised that Mr Todd had come down to the pie shop. Maybe he figured he had been too rude to her that one time upstairs and he needed compensate for that. He _had_ been a lot nicer to her lately. Maybe he even realized that he had...feelings...for her...maybe he was even starting to fall in love with her...?

She poured Mr Todd some gin and they sat down at the table together. They both were silent, as Mrs Lovett nervously contemplated whether or not to try to tell Mr Todd her feelings for him (again).

She cleared her throat.

"Mr Todd?"

"Yes?"

"I've been trying to tell ya this for a while, but you never listen."

Mr Todd just stared.

"I'm in love with you."

She just said it. Just like that. She didn't try to mask it, she told the whole, honest truth.

"WHAT?" said Mr Todd calmly, but firmly.

"You couldn't tell?"

"No! I had absolutely no idea!!" He sounded furious.

She was stunned. She was sure he had _some _idea after all these years.

"I've always loved ya. Ever since I met ya. Even though you never loved me, 'cause Lucy was still 'ere then. But now that she's gone...I thought maybe we could...get married..."

She had said way to much. Mr Todd threw his glass on the kitchen floor, shattering it. He stood up and headed for the door but Mrs Lovett called after him.

"Wait! Mr T! I'm sorry. I didn't mean it!"

"You think I'm gonna just forget all about Lucy and run away with you, ay? You stupid bitch!"

Mrs Lovett was absolutely speachless. How could she have been so stupid? She knew this was how he would react!

Mr Todd ran up the stairs back into the barbershop. Mrs Lovett ran back into the pieshop and loudly slammed the door. She started to bawl and repeatedly kicked the kitchen table to relieve bottled-up rage.

"Fuck you Mr T!!", She screamed, loud enough for the whole of London to hear, "and fuck you, Lucy, you sorry bitch!!"

She ran over to the kitchen drawer and grabbed a sharp knife. She stabbed herself in the thigh repeatedly, until she was bleeding uncontrollably.

She collapsed on the floor in a puddle of salty tears and blood.

Just then Toby came running out of his room.

"Mrs Lovett! Mum! What happened???!!!"

He reached the doorway and saw the crimson gashes covering her thighs. Toby screamed louder than Mrs Lovett thought humanly possible.


	7. Chapter 7

"Bloody hell!! Mum!!!!!! What the 'ell happened to you??!!!!!!!!"

Mrs Lovett had to think fast.

She threw the knife under her skirt before Toby could see and tried to look calm.

"Don't tell me Mr T did this to you!!! That bastard!!! I'll skin him alive!!!!!"

"No, no Toby. It's--it's nothing. Nothing...uh...nothing happened.", she said anxiously.

"WHAT DO YA MEAN NOTHING HAPPENED, MUM? Yer bleeding to death out here!"

"What I mean is that I just--I fell down the stairs, you see, Toby, love, there's nothin to worry about like I said, it's nothing."

Toby still looked absolutely mortified.

"But--But, what about the screaming? You were yellin at him! I heard ya!"

"I know, I know, we had a...a little argument, just about the pie business I mean, and I was runnin down the stairs and I fell--really, there's nothing to worry about."

She sounded so convincing--even when her story was absolutely ridiculous--that Toby bought every word

"Okay, okay, mum. I believe you." He was instantly calm, "Ya really had me worried for a minute there, though."

"I know, Toby, I'm sorry. Will ya get me a rag from the bathroom, love?"

"'Course."

While he was gone Mrs Lovett rinsed the knife off and hid it away in the drawer so Toby wouldn't see it. That was way to close, she wispered to herself as her racing heart slowed down.

She cleaned her cuts with the rag and covered them with several clothes. Toby suggested that she needed stitches but she told him not to be silly. He gave in and helped her get up off the cold floor. Then she walked him back to his bedroom and went off to her own. Suprisingly she slept very deeply that night. She even didn't dream. Maybe she was afraid to.


	8. Please Read!

**Okay guys...**

**This isn't really a chapter, I'm just saying that I am unfortunatly going to delete this story :( I've completely lost inspiration for it and so far it hasn't turned out very well. **

**Thanks for the reviews!**

**I am definitely going to write another fic soon :)**

**xxx**


	9. Updates!

**Hello again :]**

**Well, instead of deleting this story, Todd666 and I have decided that she is going to continue the story on her account. I hope you all keep reading it!**

**Thanks for your support.**


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